Three weeks ago my Oak Tree and all three of our boys went on a retreat.
For Three days and two nights.
In all honesty, I was looking forward to a nice weekend of quiet. You know read, watch whatever movies “I” want to watch (including the absolute girly ones), you know, the list that all us Mom’s have that we “swear” we would just love a whole weekend to ourselves to do.
The first afternoon was great. I cleaned the whole house in two hours flat. Made myself a pizza for dinner. Read for a bit.
And then it hit me…
that stoney silence.
I think there is more noise in a graveyard than there was in my house.
Even the dogs were quiet.
I watched three, yes, I said three movies that night. I knitted too, but I never watch three movies. In a row. On the same night.
I wanted the noise.
The next day, my full day of NO ONE around, it bugged me so much I decided to get some shopping done in town. Yes, all of it could have waited, but I wanted noise.
And I bought another movie that I wanted.
On my way home I kept wondering, what is wrong with me? I was looking forward to this weekend. I was looking forward to the quiet. I was looking forward to doing what I wanted to do for a couple of days.
In the last nineteen years the only time I have ever had to myself has been at a ladies retreat weekend…”I” went away. To a resort. To a conference with awesome speakers. I’ve done this twice. Both in the last five years.
Now, was it just that I had never been alone in my own house for an extended period of time, or was it truly, downright uncomfortable? I’m voting for both.
See, I may be able to learn how to enjoy those times (this was the first time ever), but they will also always be weird. In nineteen years I have always had my kiddos around. Even when my Oak Tree has had to go out of town for a few days. The kids have always still been here. And well, they are growing up. They have lives. And **shock**, they don’t always include Mom. Excuse me now while I go whimper in a corner…
Okay, whimper over.
Seriously though, this is how it should be. This is right. This is good. They are young men at various stages and they NEED their father to demonstrate and guide and encourage them. Not necessarily Mama. Oh, don’t throw me out with the bath water, I am far from saying my roll is not important. What I am saying is that with three sons, there was bound to come a time when Dad’s presence was rightly, more needed than mine.
I have hobbies and interests. Even things I have set aside over the years that may make a resurgence in my life, but for now, I’ll slowly introduce things back in as life allows. And, I will have to re-learn how to enjoy “the sound of silence”.
My inspiration for the title of this post came from this song. I hummed the chorus quite frequently that weekend.
and enjoy, the sound of silence.